Thursday, March 27, 2008

Too much junk in the trunk

Do you ever have one of those days where you confidently leave home, seriously impressed with your ability to dress yourself; but then when you get to work, you discover that you actually look . . . like one big fashion faux pas? No? Oh, that must mean either a) you employ a personal stylist, or b) you actually popped the $9.99 for a full length mirror (unlike me). Well, as a result of my lack of sufficient mirror-age, I definitely DO have those days . . . and today was one of them.

Now, I'm not going to lie to you . . . I have not exactly been blessed with a "runner's physique." Instead, I am what some might call "curvy." I am loaded in the behind and chest-al regions, if you will. Well, today, I was sporting this cute black jersey dress I LOVE, and some fierce zig zag patterned sheer black nylons. It looked nice, I thought, but I realized I might be jumping the gun a bit in wearing a sleeveless dress so soon (seriously, I'm sick of Spring sleeping on the job--will someone please wake her ass up?) . . . thus, I grabbed a cute orange cardigan to throw on over my dress. I checked myself out in the bedroom mirror (which only reveals about chest-level, up), decided I looked seriously cute, and left for work.

Well, imagine my shock when, on my first potty break at work, I took a look in the full-length mirror there and discovered that my ass looked like it was pregnant! UGH. Yeah. Okay, fellas--I know you have been desensitized to this subject by a few too many twiggy girls who've complained about their butts being huge, but you've got to believe me here; this is absurd. I seriously look like the hunch-ass of Notre Dame. It must be where the sweater is hitting me or something--Tim Gunn would be totally disgusted! I generally embrace and love my juicy booty, but this is almost obscene. I wish I had a camera with me so I could prove it you.

So now I have been cemented to my chair all day long, praying that nobody asks me to move, for fear that I'll get "a talking to" about what is and isn't appropriate to wear to a law office. Oy. Sometimes life is too funny!

Speaking of which, I leave you today with this picture I randomly found by image-googling "cute" (what can I say, it's been a slow day . . . ) Have I mentioned how much I love cake? Oh my gosh, I don't think I have. Well I do love cake. Very much. I also think I might secretly be distantly related to this panda bear:


The Laminator said...

"Hunch-Ass of Notre Dame?!" Seriously, Irish, you're way too much. Well, I hope you and your booty got to escape the office before anyone disovered your fashion faux pax or read your blog and asked you to move out of your chair.

*jen* said...

Hilarious! I WISH I had an ass. Maybe one day...