Adidas Run For the Parks: Race Report

It sucked. I wanted to cry (or die). The end.

Yep. That, my friends, just about sums up my experience today in the Adidas Run For the Parks 4-mile race in Central Park (warning: what follows is nothing more than a huge pile of grumpiness).

First of all, you would be right were you to point out that I never actually mentioned I was running this race today. Let me explain . . . my name is Irish Cream and I am a huge coward. When I signed up on Monday, I had a feeling it wasn't going to go well. Thus, I kind of decided to "forget" to mention the race. I did so with the hopes that I could just pretend like it never happened if I sucked. Well, the guilt is eating me, so I must now make my confession (after all, the pope is in town . . . I'd hate to miss the chance for a little soul-cleansing).

Let me tell you, I was right on with that prediction of super suckage. Here are my excuses for why I didn't achieve my ultra-conservative goal of finishing in under 35 mins.

1) I worked until at least 10:00 every night this past week (except Monday--I was lucky enough to escape at like 8:30 p.m. on Monday). Yeah, I'm exhausted.

2) I spent much of yesterday working as well--Not exactly my idea of a fun and relaxing way to spend a Saturday, but whatever. At least we got the walk in the park in, right?

3) I got approximately two hours of sleep last night. How awesome is that? Now, it's not that I stayed out all night partying or anything like that . . . I was actually tucked into bed by 11:00 last night. Unfortunately, I am deathly afraid of being home alone in our huge, old brownstone. And I was SO alone last night (our landlady and her girls were out of town, and Wilson was out partying until the wee hours of the morning). Even after Wilson got home, I was just far too wired to sleep, thanks to having spent the previous 8 hours TERRIFIED out of my freaking mind. Every time Nell barked, I was convinced someone was breaking in! UGH.com.

4) I asked Wilson to stick with me during the race since I wasn't feeling so hot and figured he'd be able to push me to meet my goal time . . . but he totally deserted me. I don't blame him, and it was probably ridiculously selfish of me to even ask him to hold back and run with me in the first place, but still . . . I was seriously bummed about this, and I almost let it ruin the race for me.

5) The shorts I was wearing decided to ride up to somewhere around eyebrow-level (apologies to all those who had to run behind me! Maybe THAT'S why so many people were passing me . . . oh wait, no. That would be because I was S-L-O-W). Yeah, I'm not wearing those ever again (or at least not until the next time I go over a month without doing laundry--yeah, maybe I should get on that!)

So there you have it. That's why I sucked today, people. At least I have good excuses, right? Ha. Anyway, here are my splits (according to my Garmin):

Mile 1: 8:32

Mile 2: 8:36

Mile 3: 9:44 (um, hills. I also temporarily decided I just didn't give a sh*t anymore--obviously this is what killed my goal time)

Mile 4: 8:35

My chip time was 35:34 (KILL ME), for an overall pace of 8:53/mile. Yep. I know I should have been able to nail that goal, and it kills me. But, looking on the bright side, I didn't quit . . . and I REALLY wanted to quit. During Mile-3, I actually thought about WALKING. In a 4-MILE RACE. Yeah. But I didn't. So that's good news. While I didn't walk, I did slow down significantly and totally just lost my head. So that sucks. But I know that there will be many other races, and I'm trying not to take this race too seriously (considering I signed up for it on a whim less than a week ago). Seeing as how an official recap would pretty much read, "I hated this run, I wanted to stop, I didn't quite stop, but I did manage to freak out and kill my goal time," I will spare you any other details. You can thank me later.

Wilson was able to meet his goal time (his goal was to finish in under 32 minutes, and he finished in 31:17), which is great, but I temporarily hate him right now because of it. At least I had a higher AG% than he did . . . so I'm going to have to go ahead and claim that as a small victory in my day full of defeat (because I'm not competitive or anything).

At any rate, I'm going to "punish" myself this evening for not meeting my goal time with lots and lots of core work. I'm pretty excited about it (mostly just because it will be a "break" from yet MORE work--woohoo! Love my job!)

Peace out! I leave you today with some post-race photos. If you're sick of looking at nature after yesterday, go ahead and look at just the first few . . . where Wilson and I illustrate how the race went for each of us, and then I start a bordering-on-abusive relationship with a cinnamon-raisin bagel that lasts WAY too long.

Wilson met his goal time.

Me? Not so much.

Forcing a smile. Notice the gross, gross bags under my puffy, sleep-deprived eyes.

Eating this bagel took me approximately 53 minutes. I really didn't want it, but for some reason I just kept on eating it (at a rate of one bite every nine minutes).

The New York Roadrunners are WAY more adept at renting/arranging porta-potties than the LA Marathon. This was the highlight of my day. I'm thinking NYRR race organizers should travel around to various national races and put on clinics that cover this oh-so-important topic.

NATURE!!

MORE NATURE!!!

OMIGOD, NO WAY! MORE NATURE!!!!

Watch out! The mist is coming to get us! (Has anyone else seen the movie, "The Mist?" Oh lordy, I'm having a "day-mare" just thinking about it! See it now. It's like crazy-awesome-disturbing.)

I don't know . . . probably thinking about dog-napping someone's pooch. Note that I'm still working on that bagel.

This Hansel and Gretel-esque structure is the "Dairy Visitor Center and Gift Shop." Yeah, who knows. I've never actually stepped foot inside the place.

"I need a nap." Yeah. That's what you get for staying out all night, foooooool! Now I'm going to torture you by taking your picture over and over and over again. Payback's a b*tch, no?

This might actually be cute if I was wearing a fun cocktail dress and stilettos. Or if I wasn't choking on my regularly-scheduled bite of cinnamon-raisin bagel. But seriously, the baggy sweats do nothing for my ass. On second thought, neither does that ever-lasting bagel.

I know it's shocking, but . . . EVEN MORE NATURE!

Tulips!! (AKA NATURE!!!)

The End

(and yes, I did ultimately triumph over that pesky bagel

(with the help of some squirrels and freaky birds, that is)).

Good luck to all those super-talented, fabulous folks running Boston tomorrow! I only pray that I can find it in me to join you one day . . . (although if today is any indication, the odds are totally slim (YAY, NEGATIVITY! Grumpy needs a nap!)). But seriously, good luck, runners! You are all heroes, and I am grateful for every chance I get to run beside you (or rather, behind you)--I LOVE THIS SPORT! ;) (on a related note, have I mentioned how much I love signs that call marathoners heroes? LOVE THEM!) Okay, for real now . . . it's NAP TIME!!