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Thursday, November 6, 2008

Perpetually Bummed . . .

Do you ever have a bad day . . . and then it transitions into a bad week . . . which slowly turns into a bad month . . . and before you know it, it's been a bad year or two? And all of a sudden, you start to question every aspect of your pathetic, unaccomplished life? Well, that's where I am right now. I'm in *that* place.

I've had numerous events come and go over the past year that I had hoped would turn everything around . . . running my first marathon, moving into a fab new apartment in a fab neighborhood, travelling to a myriad of new places, the presidential election . . . and while each of these events were positive forces, none of them were powerful enough to get me over the hump. I just can't seem to shake this stupid funk. I think the main problem is that my life is completely and totally lacking any direction whatsoever. I was so overwhelmed by such feelings last night that I actually began considering applying to law school (again)--JUST so I could have something that almost sorta kinda gave me some semblance of direction. Now, in case you're new to this blog, I decided a while back that I ABSOLUTELY positively do not want to go to law school. But, at this point, things are so unclear that law school is actually becoming a reasonable option again. God help me . . .

Have any of you had periods like this in your life? If so, how did you break through them and get to a place of tranquility? I know this is a running blog . . . not psychotherapy . . . but it's been on my mind and I'm curious to hear any thoughts y'all have to offer.

3 comments:

EmLit said...

I'm not sure that I have much to offer other than sympathy. I have felt the same way for the better part of the last few years, and I mean the *exact* same way--everything that I did I kept thinking, "This is the change I need, and then everything will get better from there" and although things would improve for a short period of time, eventually I always end up back in the doldrums.

I think part of it has to do with our age group and the fact that there's a lot of pressure put on people (especially women, I think) to have accomplished a certain amount by a certain age. No matter what we do or accomplish, we are always going to feel like it's not enough. I know that one thing I need to focus more on is doing things that make me happy, and not so much things that I think other people, or institutions, want or expect me to do. I feel bad because I can't really offer anything constructive...all I feel I can really say is that you're not alone! This is sort of why I let my blog fall by the wayside, I felt that everything I had to say was a complaint or an expression of the rut I feel like I am in and have been in for so long.

I hope things start looking up for you soon :)

chris said...

I feel for you IC. I really don't have a lot of advice, but I can tell you that I think law school would be a waste of time. You will not be happy. And isn't that the goal? Happyness (yeah, I spelled it like that on purpose).

Ok, I am lame, but here goes. I heard this advice once and I have always planned on using it when Piper asks me what she should do with her life. Very simple: follow your bliss. So simple it's absurd. Find that thing that will make you happy. And run with it. Don't worry about the money, don't worry about status (not that I think you would anyway). However, I don't think your bliss is law school.

Sorry I couldn't help more...

*jen* said...

Damn Irish, I hate thinking of you in a funk like this. I wish I knew what to say. I was in kind of a spot like that during college. For whatever reason I can't remember how I got out of it. I know that isn't much help. Sorry. I think Emlit is exactly right about everything she said: a lot is expected of us and we're caught up in the process of trying to do and be more and more, just to "keep up" and ultimately that race doesn't lead anywhere (except maybe to depression or self loathing). I also agree with Chris, it doesn't make sense to apply for law school if it isn't going to make you happy. Maybe just try to go with the flow for awhile. Rediscover some of the simple things you enjoy. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to plan every step of your life this exact minute. It's ok not to know exactly what we want to happen. I guess that's part of the fun part: discovering it and figuring it all out. Get back to basics and figure out what you love and enjoy and then do those things!

By the way, your comment on my last blog entry was awesome. It totally made my day and I was grinning ear to ear while reading it, so thank you! Hang in there sister. :)